[Would Thor be surprised if Loki had fought his embrace? If he'd chosen offense and upset and insisted on clawing back the distance that had grown so heavily between them? No, he wouldn't. Thor doesn't need to understand the reasons why bold displays of emotion only seem to see Loki feeling more and more uneasy as time goes on to have long since accepted that the affection he would gladly shower upon his brother might always remain unwelcome.
But that Loki doesn't immediately pull away? That he doesn't disappear out from under the desperate cage of Thor's arms but instead settles his own around Thor in-- resignation? Acceptance? He's not sure it matters when it's already more than he thought he'd ever be allowed again and Thor's hold around Loki tightens just a fraction more for it.]
I've missed you.
[He says as if it explains everything and he tries to laugh-- at how foolish he must look, at the bite of Loki's words and the undercurrent of blame his brother always finds a way to angle in Thor's direction whether it's deserved or not, at his own near childish hopefulness that this could truly be real-- but the sound gets lost along the way, caught in his throat until it breaks out of him far closer to a sob than he ever intended.
Loki's right no matter how Thor wishes he wasn't. It was cold of Thor to refuse him then. Possibly even cruel, and while at the time Thor felt his reasons to do so made sense, that he had little choice to do anything else, it's impossible to look back that time now without feeling regret in the places where vindication once lived. How much time had they wasted holding onto anger? To spite and pettiness? How many moments have they missed because they allowed their brotherhood to be strained by things that mattered so little in the end?
Too many, he thinks, and Thor knows he should let go of Loki before his brother's patience runs out, but he can't quite bring himself to loosen his grip. Loki is a warm, solid weight against him, pressed so closely together that Thor could count each breath he takes if he wanted to, and it's hard to ignore the irrational voice in the back of his mind certain that if he ends this embrace he'll wake from whatever dream he's found himself in. When he can finally manage it, it happens in achingly slow degrees, his arms reluctantly relaxing as though Thor is in battle with himself over whether or not to actually allow it to happen, and even when he releases Loki completely he can't seem to resist the urge to touch him. Thor reaches out to clasp Loki's shoulder with a grip that likely tips just over the line of too tight for all that it's full of warm affection and swallows past the thick lump in his throat as he takes Loki in.]
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But that Loki doesn't immediately pull away? That he doesn't disappear out from under the desperate cage of Thor's arms but instead settles his own around Thor in-- resignation? Acceptance? He's not sure it matters when it's already more than he thought he'd ever be allowed again and Thor's hold around Loki tightens just a fraction more for it.]
I've missed you.
[He says as if it explains everything and he tries to laugh-- at how foolish he must look, at the bite of Loki's words and the undercurrent of blame his brother always finds a way to angle in Thor's direction whether it's deserved or not, at his own near childish hopefulness that this could truly be real-- but the sound gets lost along the way, caught in his throat until it breaks out of him far closer to a sob than he ever intended.
Loki's right no matter how Thor wishes he wasn't. It was cold of Thor to refuse him then. Possibly even cruel, and while at the time Thor felt his reasons to do so made sense, that he had little choice to do anything else, it's impossible to look back that time now without feeling regret in the places where vindication once lived. How much time had they wasted holding onto anger? To spite and pettiness? How many moments have they missed because they allowed their brotherhood to be strained by things that mattered so little in the end?
Too many, he thinks, and Thor knows he should let go of Loki before his brother's patience runs out, but he can't quite bring himself to loosen his grip. Loki is a warm, solid weight against him, pressed so closely together that Thor could count each breath he takes if he wanted to, and it's hard to ignore the irrational voice in the back of his mind certain that if he ends this embrace he'll wake from whatever dream he's found himself in. When he can finally manage it, it happens in achingly slow degrees, his arms reluctantly relaxing as though Thor is in battle with himself over whether or not to actually allow it to happen, and even when he releases Loki completely he can't seem to resist the urge to touch him. Thor reaches out to clasp Loki's shoulder with a grip that likely tips just over the line of too tight for all that it's full of warm affection and swallows past the thick lump in his throat as he takes Loki in.]
You look well.